Over the last few weeks, blogging's been low on my list of priorities.
And I could blame my absence on the holidays, for having grandparents in town, or ya da ya da ya...
But, it just wouldn't be the truth.
And there's really no point in pretending. At least not here.
I mean, this is my space for truth and expression, for honesty no matter the pain... or humiliation.
So on that note, where do I begin (embarrassing myself)?
For starters, I'm struggling to find my inner strength.
I really am.
It's like autism has me by the collar tight, and I'm fighting to breathe new life, new thoughts and/or ideas. I just feel so one note...
But nothing means more though. There's nothing weighing on my mind more great than autism. (Will there ever be?) And, I feel alone: detached from myself, my family and friends, my husband...
Plus, I'm anxious. Not to mention, hypersensitive. Oh, and fun, what's that?
I only know the time we'll wrestle is indefinite. Autism'll always have me pinned, because my weakness is my child. And I hear you all loud and clear, shouting from the stands, "Be strong, Gillian. Don't be afraid. This doesn't define Aksel. You're doing the right thing."
Yet, I can't look you in the eye for fear of breaking down. For being weak, not in control. Can you make my child speak? Please.
It's just that at this stage in the game, autism is the victor.
So that's why I haven't been writing...
PS - I promise tomorrow's Wordless post will be upbeat and positive.
PPS - Despite my worry, which as you know I can't seem to control, Aksel's making lots of progress.